today is supposed to be a happy day, but its a big NO for me.

okay, this is a continuation post from my previous post.

this morning, I got a call from my mother.

of course I'm a bit surprised, 

'why suddenly they call me because its like soo early in the morning?' (it was 6.30 if i wasn't mistaken.)

that questions kept popping in my mind.

I heard my mother's voice. 

she asked me about my EMJ exam which I'm going to sit at 9 am this morning.

I answered her questions.

and after that, she passed the hand-phone to my father.

asking him to talked to me.

I can already sensed something was not right.

but, I kept calmed. I don't want to make early guess.

my father asked me again about at what time I'm gonna sit for my exam.

I told him at 9, I will finished at 10. 

then he was like, "I've something to tell you,but I'll tell you later, after your exam,"

his voice was soo different.

shaky and not energetic voice, which is not my father's voice at all.

confirmed! I know something is reaaaaaly wrong here. 

something bad happen, but I don't have any idea what is it actually..

I was so eager to know, begging him  to tell me, "what is it that you wanna tell me, tell me now, please, please?" 

so finally my father blurt it out, "your grandmother died just now, at 1 o'clock in the morning,"

I was so shoooock like seriously shocked.

I couldn't really explain how shocked I am in words.

I'm not expecting that to happen. 

so yes I was shocked!

I cant believe what both my ears heard, and I don't want to believe what my mind is telling me to.

my father was calling my name again and again, but I cant talked.

I don't want him to hear my shaky voice. 

if I talked, I'm gonna burst into tears.

so, I kept silence. till he off the line.

then my mother called me again, and at that time..

I have gather my spirit, and I said, "mak, insyaAllah, kakak will go home today. I'll try my best okay."

after done talking to her.

I laid on the bed, crying alone.

after sometime I went to the bathroom to take my shower.

in there also, I cried.

its time for me to go to the examination hall.

I decide to tell my friends after the exam finished.

I don't want them to worry unnecessarily about me.

but, while waiting to go inside the examination hall, while we are discussing..

my friends asked me about something, which I cant remember what.

but suddenly I felt like crying again.

it involuntary so I cant really control my tears.

so, I quickly stand up and went to the toilet.

I heard my friend, mas says, "eh, kenapa tiba tiba sedih ni?"

and I was like, 'my grandmother died this morning' but I don't tell her that, cause I wanna cry first.

so, I went to one of the toilet, sit there crying and gather some spirit. and courage.

after sometime, I went out.

and I saw my another friend. 

and she was vomiting!

funny but true, I'm crying, she's vomiting.

and I was like tapping her back, make it more easier for her.

and she was like, "hey, why are crying?"..

and we comfort each other there.

I went out with my red nose, and swollen eyes.

so, even if I don't want to, I must tell them.

I have to blurt out the news.

and they were like saying something nice to comfort me.

I'm so glad to have friends like them. :)

thank you.

so, I sat for my exam.

since I was so busy writing and thinking, I barely remembered about the bad news.

the funny part is when, after the exam finished.

my friend ekin asked me, "where you wanna go after the exam finished?"

and I replied la, "I'm going home" and suddenly I start to crying again. LOL.

ekin, I'm so sorry because I scared you like that.

so the examination had passed.

now is the time for me to pray a lot.

asking for the ALMIGHTY  for the best. 

and for my grandmother, mak tok.

kakak harap mak tok baik baik saja kat sana.

semoga mak tok ditempatkan di kalangan mereka yang baik, yang solehah.

I love u sooo much! 

and seriously, I wanna go back.

at 3 pm I will go to bus station, buy tickets. i hope there is one seat for me.

okay bye.

ps : to those who read this, can you please sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kat arwah nenek saya? it will be so meaningful for her. insyaAllah. semoga Allah sahaja yang dapat balas budi baik kamu semua.