innalillah

"sesungguhnya ya hidup itu pasti akan meninggalkan kita suatu hari nanti"

satu fakta yang tak dapat dicanggah lagi, kan?

when it involved acquaintances. it doesn't matter much. i mean, memanglah sedih but kesan die pada hati, jantung, perasaan ni tak kuat sangat. 

but, bila involved orang yang kita kenal, orang yang aku nak kenal sebab banyak good words about him, orang yang im expecting to be one of my significant one, one fine day later.. 

i just dropped. my feeling was crushed. 

tanggal 21 julai 2014.

around 8pm, masa ni baru lepas bukak puasa..

aku dikejutkan dengan berita ayah u meninggal dunia sebab accident.

i just cant even believe it. masa u bagitahu im speechless.

taktahu nak respon apa. altho aku still takde kaitan yet dengan arwah, aku still terasa kehilangan arwah.

sebab he is ur dad. someone dear to u of course. someone meaningful to u.

i doakan arwah ayah ditempatkan di kalangan mereka yang beriman. aminn.

and....

one thing i know for sure, its (our relationship) gonna differ from that moment on.

but i dont care about my feeling. 

im okay sebab bukan i yang kena sume ni.

yang tested this time, it was u..

so jangan layan perasaan sendiri lisa. pastu tak pasal pasal die kena layan ur feeling pulak.

i know u r very kuat.

it was him who need ur support right now. not the other way round.

jangan buat dia rasa burden.. and need to take care of all other peoples' feeling. (his family and me-tak pasal2 kena jaga my perasaan--dont let him ever have to care of my feeling! -- because im okay!)

be there for him, make sure he felt someone(it has to b me) is taking care of his feeling while he was taking care of others' feeling. (his family only)

because i know him, he is someone who wanna do his best for his family.

i just want him to be strong for his family. 

i want him to be there with his family. 

and i want to be by his side, supporting him thru all this huge test.

i really wish to b there for him just to console him.

but im far. im in kelantan while he was in KL at that time. (now in perak)

and i also know that he was someone who want to take care of me as well

but now, he can't do that yet..  (macam sebelom2 ni) 

now, he has to support his family. 

so i just have to let him be for a while..

seeing him being so strong for his family make me proud of him..

walaupon he tak open up his feeling for me yet.. i dont care..

stay strong like that k awak..

tugas aku, be by his side.. and support him no matter what..

sesungguhnya perasaan buat orang happy, lagi best dari perasaan buat orang risaukan kita..

im growing up i guess..

if we can went through this together, insyaAllah we can get through anything after this.

dengan itu ya Allah, kau bantulah aku.. untuk aku bantu dia..

ya Allah, kau kuatkan hatiku ya Allah, untuk sentiasa bersama dengannya di saat die kesedihan ni. 

ya Allah, kau titipkan rasa sabar di dalam diri ini.

ya Allah, kau jagalah hati ku agar aku boleh jaga hatinya.